Tattoo Aftercare: Or, How to Not Treat Your Fresh Ink Like a Rotisserie Chicken

Congrats, you survived the chair! You got stabbed by tiny needles thousands of times, you didn’t puke (hopefully), and now you’re walking out with a shiny new piece of forever art. Guess what? The hard part isn’t over. Now comes aftercare — and if you mess this up, don’t blame us when your wolf turns into a sad gray blob that looks like wet paper.

Here’s how to NOT ruin your tattoo by treating it like a $5 gas station burrito.

1. Don’t Cook It

Your new tattoo is not a rotisserie chicken. Don’t bake it under the sun. Don’t marinate it in tanning beds. Don’t slow-roast it in a hot tub. If you wouldn’t do it to raw meat, don’t do it to your skin. UV rays and scalding heat will cook your fresh ink faster than you can say, “Why does my eagle look like a pigeon?”

2. Don’t Suffocate It

Plastic wrap is for leftovers, not your arm. Yeah, we bandage you up, but that’s temporary — not a lifestyle. Don’t clingfilm yourself like a deli sandwich. Your skin needs to breathe, not sweat itself into a bacterial rave.

3. Don’t Pick, Scratch, or Peel

Yes, it itches. Yes, it flakes. Yes, it looks like a snake shedding its skin. That’s normal. But if you start picking at it, congratulations, you’ve just performed DIY laser removal. Hands off. Let it heal. Your tattoo is not a scratch-off lottery ticket.

4. Don’t Bathe in Filth

Long soaks in tubs, pools, lakes, or questionable motel jacuzzis? Bad idea. Your tattoo is basically an open wound. Do you want lake bacteria named Steve living in your arm? Shower like a normal human. Quick, clean, gentle.

5. Moisturize, Don’t Marinate

Lotion = good. Slathering it in Vaseline like you’re basting a Thanksgiving turkey = bad. Too much goop suffocates the skin and turns your tattoo into a mushy mess. Use a thin layer. Think “lightly buttered toast,” not “swimming in Crisco.”

6. Respect the Healing Time

Your tattoo isn’t “done” when you leave the shop. It’s healing. That means:

• No wrestling bears.

• No running Spartan races through mud.

• No showing it off by letting drunk strangers touch it.

Give it a couple weeks, then go back to being your chaotic self.

The Bottom Line:

Your tattoo is forever, but only if you don’t treat it like a rotisserie chicken, a slip-n-slide, or a scratch-n-sniff sticker. Take care of it. Love it. Baby it. In two-three weeks, you’ll be healed up, looking fresh, and ready to plan your next bad decision — with us, obviously.